I was in the Everett, Washington area and had just bought my boat and stumped into the nearest bar to have a drink to celebrate. The place had a beautiful view overlooking the harbor and was a bit too much upscale for my tastes as I preferred waterfront gin mills or other dives.
I was sitting there with a draught beer and was looking across the bar and I noticed two women and started observing them. The older of the two looked to be about forty and while she wasn't obviously on the prowl, she might take a reasonable offer.
I wasn't really in the mood to play the game or do the dance so I figured on giving it one good shot, win or lose. I figured the direct approach would be rebuffed instantly just by the way she carried herself. I'd just get slapped and rightly so.
The younger one I had no interest in. She clearly had a stick up her ass...WAY up her ass. I wanted no part of her whatsoever. None.
I assessed the situation. If everything went to hell, I knew I could leave in a second's notice.
If i got kicked out of the place, no biggie. I didn't like the place very much to begin with and that would pose no loss. I had been kicked out of far nicer places than this before and it really didn't bother me too much.
On the other hand, a gut feeling told me that this was exactly the thing to do.
My beer was almost finished so I would not be leaving a whole lot behind if I did get the boot.
I was in my element now because I had something to win and nothing to lose. Most people don't understand this. They don't seem to realize that there are times when there is simply nothing to lose.
The late Janis Joplin sang the "Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose," and she was actually right. When you have nothing to lose you can do just about anything. Any smart cop will tell you that. Beware of the man that has nothing to lose.
There was no law in the books against what I was going to do. Even the laws of human decency were not really being broached and if they were it was only a small misdemeanor.
Truth is, I had no desire to spend time with a woman that had little or no sense of humor.
When the bartender was occupied elsewhere I reached over the bar and snagged a bar rag and stashed it. The woman in question actually saw me do it and said nothing. I gave her a quick wink and she returned it with somewhat of an interested look. Then she looked at me for a second with curiosity and then turned to the woman she was with and resumed talking.
At that point I got off of my bar stool, headed over to the pair of them and looked at the woman of interest. "Excuse me," I said.
She turned looked at me and asked me what I wanted. With a very serious tone and aura about me I hald out the bar towel and asked her, "Does this rag smell like chloroform?"
She immediately knew the game and how to play it. It's called 'You laugh, you lose'. She took the rag, gave it a quick sniff and replied, "Why, yes it does. There's also some ether in it."
"Thank you," I replied and returned to my seat and quietly returned the rag.
When I sat down she gave me a very amused look as her friend started babbling away. I could hear a word here and there as her friend babbled away that I was some kind of a killer dope fiend rapist. I was now the ghosts of Charlie Starkweather and Charles Manson combined in her mind.
While she babbled on and on my prospective date looked at me, smirked and rolled her eyes. She was clearly quite amused with what was going on.
I was mildly surprised. While I was mildly surprised the girlfriend was as animated as she was, I was pleasantly surprised at the sheer amusement of the older woman. She obviously thought what I had asked her was funny. It was funny watching her try and calm her friend down.
She was as confident as her friend was scared. Then I had a thought. In addition to the pair of 38s she carried I wondered if there was a gun in her purse. If there was I wasn't bothered by it.
The two finished their drinks and got up to leave.
There were two ways around the bar, the long way and the short way. The short cut went past me and the long way was all the way around. One didn't pass my bar stool.
The younger woman took off like a shot going the long way around to avoid me. The older woman walked past me and when she got to my stool she slowed down and said quietly to me, "Stick around. I'll be back in a few minutes."
I was looking out at the harbor and didn't see her return. She sat down next to me and surprised me when she spoke. "You are a sick puppy," she said. She told me I had scared the holy hell out of her friend and it took her a while to get her calmed down. We chuckled.
I told her that I had just bought my sailboat and that I was following one of my dreams. She was following one of hr dreams, too. She had opened a business. She was also divorced with two kids in their teens. Needless to say we shared a very dry, dark sense of humor.
She was quite interested in the boat and I explained I had to get it out of the state pronto or get walloped with some Washington state tax. There was also another out. I could simply register it as an Alaskan boat which I was in the process of.
I had called the Alaskan boat registry people and was pleasantly surprised. In those days state employees actually went out of their way to help people.I pled my case and she suggested I send my registration form up with one of the fast freight services with a fast freight return envelope.
The broker I had bought the boat for let me use his office as a mailing address and in three days I had my AK number.
The two of us ended up hanging out together for three or four days when business took her away. It was a pretty good deal, really. We had fun together for the better part of the week.
A few days later Blaine showed up and she saw the two of us off as we sailed off. We were not headed to Alaska, but to Port Townsend where I put her on the hard for a couple months so I could get back to Kodiak and scrape up some money for the sailboat trip north which is another story.
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